My rights

I have hardly been 'parenting', but in the last month of experiencing what is the closest to parenting I've done in my life, I've learned one important thing: the kid owes me nothing.

He owes me nothing because providing education, comfort, safety, food, security, affirmation, shelter, affection, discipline, blessing, a few laughs (and maybe an hour of TV) are my responsibilities for those hours that he is under my watchful eye.

The kid owes me nothing.

This was a huge revelation to me, of course. Nicholas is at an age, where he is learning that he not only can vocalize his opinions, but he is also learning how to barter for control, for privileges and basically, how to work his way through this world. Unconsciously, it seems that we were all being trained how to do that at the early stages of elementary school.

When he was three and I fixed him a snack, played with him, help him go potty, and put on his clothes, I didn't expect 'thank you.' Now at age 7, 'thank you' is not only expected, but he knows how to use it as currency for an extra ten minutes of Ben Ten Alien Force.

There was that moment when there was no thank you, that he wasn't going to say thank you, and if I asked him whether or not I looked fat, I might get an unwanted answer. I pouted for a split second. And then realized that I should have no expectations to be nurtured and affirmed by a 7 year old. The kid owes me nothing. He is seven. I am thirty one and cannot expect him to have a peer relationship where he understands my feelings.

Yesterday, after watching him all day for Veteran's Day holiday, fixing him fresh lunch and snacks with a glass of milk while he watched Pokemon, after resurrecting all his toys from underneath the web of dust beneath the couch, after clearing off his desk and reorganizing all his papers, he cradled his head in his hand at the dinner table.

His father gently asked him to have his manners and refrain from doing so. Nicholas said, "But I'm sad." Why? "Because I didn't have any fun today at all."

His mother turned icy and said, "Well, Nic, I'm sorry, but everyone today did the best for you." And this is true and it was the best and most diplomatic answer.

Nicholas will learn more and more genuine gratitude as time as goes by. But as for now, maybe that rare stroke of impoliteness was payback.

After all. I did make him help me itemize all the tax receipts.